Unspoken prayers

Apr 20

I’ve been feeling pretty cruddy for the past few days.  Nothing major: achey, tired, head-achey, sore bones, etc., but enough that I’ve felt blah.

It might be jet lag.

It might be a bug I picked up somewhere.

It might be my body’s response to the new cancer drug I started last Tuesday.

Honestly, all causes are equally possible.  This morning I called Dr. Wonderful’s office to describe how I’m feeling and they know me well enough to know that I don’t call unless I mean it.  The consensus from the team there was to rest up, stay hydrated, and check in again on Wednesday.  My symptoms are not easily attributed to any one ‘fixable’ thing, so I’m to stay the course.

It was the answer I was expecting, but it still feels good to have a professional order you to rest.  The only other thing they could have done was to have me come in for bloodwork and/or fluids, both of which I agree are probably overkill.

I have been resting as much I can without sacrificing fun.  I took naps over the weekend but happily rallied for the fun stuff: Maren’s birthday party, a luncheon, time with my family.  Maren turns eight this week and she is so delightful, creative, and kind.  It was fun to host such a small sweet party and watch it bring her so much joy.

As usual, my champion Brad picked up my slack when I stepped aside over the weekend.  When I woke this morning (Monday morning) still feeling blah, I was trying to figure out how to give my lovely Greta a good day and also meet my own not-feeling-so-hot needs.  As I was midway through the thoughts, I got a relatively early morning message from a friend: she invited Greta over to play with her daughter for the day.  Perfect.  It was such a blessing to get that message/invitation, and to know that Greta would have an awesome day with a friend she treasures, and that I could truly be selfish with my own needs.  Sometimes God answers prayers we don’t even speak on a conscious level.  I love that.

Tonight I rallied for some mom moments, a volleyball practice, and half of a dinner effort.  In my moments of rally, I try to be fully present: I try to hit the mark between being authentic as I interact with people, and also to be my best energetic self–especially when it comes to my interactions with the girls.  They feel more secure, loved and fun when I am strong, energetic and fun, so I try to commit to those vibes when I am choosing to rally.  An old song from my childhood is resonating: “When you’re down you’re down, when you’re up you’re up.”  It’s the in-between state that often leaves me frustrated because I’m not doing anything well.

Brad came home and I gratefully passed the baton pretty quickly.  I know that the quickest way to healing is to give my body as much sleep and rest as I can, so that is my mission.  I’d sure appreciate your prayers that I am back up to full strength soon.  I have flowers to plant, seasonal wardrobes to swap, and more fun things to do!  In the meantime I take solace in knowing that God is with me always: big and small, strength and weakness, spoken and unspoken.

22 comments

  1. Carli /

    You really are super woman! Sending prayers and thoughts for you to feel better soon. Love, c

  2. Susan /

    Praying that you feel better soon!

  3. Tonja /

    Jen;
    You are always in my prayers often, but I will be praying extra hard for you to feel better soon.
    Love you Sweet Sister

  4. Karin /

    I speak strength into every cell. I declare rest and peace, He is your strength and shield. I declare healing in every part of you! Rest sweet girl. He’s got you covered.

  5. Patty /

    Hugging you!

  6. Jen powers /

    Praying for a quick turnaround my friend…

  7. Lindsay /

    Saying a prayer!!

  8. Lisa Marker /

    You’ve got it – Praying :-)

  9. Katie /

    Praying for you my friend!

  10. I’m so sorry to hear what a rough several days you’ve been having, but glad to know you’ve been able to extract joy from the bright spots and fun activities of each day too. Sending you many well wishes for a swift recovery from this latest rough patch. <3
    And sending great big birthday wishes to Maren this week too! :)

  11. Rachel /

    Lifting you up in prayer for energy, pain relief, and no more blahs. So thankful for answers to unspoken prayers. Our God knows us so well, even better than we know ourselves.

  12. Amy Wheeler /

    Prayers as always for continued recovery. You are a marvel, Jen.

  13. Rest up while that new cancer drug is busily killer cancer cells! Praying that you will have the wisdom to make the very best choices for using the energy you do have to spend on family.

  14. Bonnie BJ /

    Praying Jen that the Lord infuses your spirit and your body with energy, encouragement and strength. His love covers all !! Rest well today !!

  15. peggy /

    While reading this new post, I kept thinking about the “Bombs Away” post where Chief Sister likened this new cancer drug to starting another war on those reemerging pesky cancer cells. Right now there’s a huge battle going on in your sweet girly body…of course you’re going to feel the ravages of those “bombs”…war always sucks. (But I also think it’s being complicated by jet leg mixed with a little airline bug…so please don’t think this is going to happen every time you have the new treatment.) You do your part and rest up. We’ll do our part and sent positive thoughts and an armory of prayers your way. ♫♪♫ Happy Birthday ♫♪♫ to that new little 8-year old Maren. Feel better ♥p

  16. Karen Almand /

    So lovely, Jen. You continue to inspire me. I have been keeping you in my prayers. I love your thoughts about God answering prayers you didn’t speak. I have noticed that too-it makes me smile from the inside and thank my loving Father up above. You articulated it so swell-thank you!

    Karen from Memphis

  17. Sharon /

    “Morning has Broken” A new day is here. May it be a day for your body to rest, your mind to ignore to do lists, and your spirit to be. Martha busied herself with doing, Mary busied herself with “being”with Jesus. Just sitting. That’s your plan for the day. Just be. God is next to you, around you, within you. Snuggle in Love.

  18. Marsha Vonderwish /

    Keeping you in my prayers!

  19. Newbie friend /

    Praying Jen, this too shall pass!

  20. Christin /

    I pray for you on my regular basis.. and I pray for you often in between those times. May He continue to answer your unspoken prayers as well as your spoken ones.

  21. Janey McKinney /

    Prayers going up

  22. annie /

    Prayers for you, from head to toe(nails).
    Hope you are feeling better today.