I’ve been feeling pretty cruddy for the past few days. Nothing major: achey, tired, head-achey, sore bones, etc., but enough that I’ve felt blah.
It might be jet lag.
It might be a bug I picked up somewhere.
It might be my body’s response to the new cancer drug I started last Tuesday.
Honestly, all causes are equally possible. This morning I called Dr. Wonderful’s office to describe how I’m feeling and they know me well enough to know that I don’t call unless I mean it. The consensus from the team there was to rest up, stay hydrated, and check in again on Wednesday. My symptoms are not easily attributed to any one ‘fixable’ thing, so I’m to stay the course.
It was the answer I was expecting, but it still feels good to have a professional order you to rest. The only other thing they could have done was to have me come in for bloodwork and/or fluids, both of which I agree are probably overkill.
I have been resting as much I can without sacrificing fun. I took naps over the weekend but happily rallied for the fun stuff: Maren’s birthday party, a luncheon, time with my family. Maren turns eight this week and she is so delightful, creative, and kind. It was fun to host such a small sweet party and watch it bring her so much joy.
As usual, my champion Brad picked up my slack when I stepped aside over the weekend. When I woke this morning (Monday morning) still feeling blah, I was trying to figure out how to give my lovely Greta a good day and also meet my own not-feeling-so-hot needs. As I was midway through the thoughts, I got a relatively early morning message from a friend: she invited Greta over to play with her daughter for the day. Perfect. It was such a blessing to get that message/invitation, and to know that Greta would have an awesome day with a friend she treasures, and that I could truly be selfish with my own needs. Sometimes God answers prayers we don’t even speak on a conscious level. I love that.
Tonight I rallied for some mom moments, a volleyball practice, and half of a dinner effort. In my moments of rally, I try to be fully present: I try to hit the mark between being authentic as I interact with people, and also to be my best energetic self–especially when it comes to my interactions with the girls. They feel more secure, loved and fun when I am strong, energetic and fun, so I try to commit to those vibes when I am choosing to rally. An old song from my childhood is resonating: “When you’re down you’re down, when you’re up you’re up.” It’s the in-between state that often leaves me frustrated because I’m not doing anything well.
Brad came home and I gratefully passed the baton pretty quickly. I know that the quickest way to healing is to give my body as much sleep and rest as I can, so that is my mission. I’d sure appreciate your prayers that I am back up to full strength soon. I have flowers to plant, seasonal wardrobes to swap, and more fun things to do! In the meantime I take solace in knowing that God is with me always: big and small, strength and weakness, spoken and unspoken.