Waking up on 147

Jan 24

So many mornings this past year, I have woken up thinking,

“Holy crap!  I have breast cancer!” or, later,

“Holy cow!  Where are my boobs?  Oy, the cancer got ’em.”

Having a Big Thing happen in your life is like that: it is, seemingly forever, surreal.  I still shake my head in disbelief that this is my life, that this has happened to me.  But it did, and by the grace of God my people and I are not only surviving it, but doing it well.  (I hope.)

This morning, I woke up thinking,

“Holy guacamole!  I am still cancer free!  Today is day 147 of having NED!”  (Yes.  I know how many days I’ve been cancer free.  Cancer free is a big freaking deal.)

For a cancer patient, the day after Clean Scan Day is an awesome day to wake up.  It’s Christmas-y, and birthday-y, and vacation-y all wrapped together.

After my PET scan yesterday, I left the hospital, wandered aimlessly around a store for an hour while I waited for Brad, and then Brad and I went and sat in Dr. Wonderful’s waiting room.  I said to the my friend the receptionist, “Hi.  I don’t actually have an appointment to see Dr. Wonderful today, but I just had a PET scan, and I am just going to sit here until he gets the results.”

She just nodded and said she would tell him I was here.  God bless her.

Brad and I sat and fidgeted for forty-five minutes before Dr. Wonderful and Nurse Practitioner Rockstar gave us the news.  I was feeling good; I had every reason to believe it was clean, but I still wanted to hear those words.  Dr. Wonderful reviewed the report, but it all clicked for me when Dr. Wonderful smiled and said, “This is great news.  We’ll keep doing what we’ve been doing.”  When Dr. Wonderful is happy, I’m happy.  He also made a comment about my liver, which has always been an element of concern because it showed an anomaly on my first scans in March 2012.  We biopsied those spots, and it came back negative, but Dr. Wonderful is thorough, and we are keeping a close watch on my liver.  His comment yesterday was that, “I think if those spots on your liver had been something (cancer), I think they would have turned into something (tumor) by now.”

And so my heart soars with the knowledge that I am cancer free!  Making it through this first scan after intensive treatment has ended feels amazing.   I gave Dr. Wonderful a giant hug and we were all smiles leaving the exam room.  I said, “Thank you so much!  I’m so excited.  And, also, thank you for seeing us tonight.”  I knew I had circumvented procedure by sitting in his waiting room with no appointment.

He laughed and looked at me, “Well, it didn’t seem like we had much of a choice.”

Sheepishly, “No, I guess not.  But thank you anyway.”

He smiled and said, “You’re fine.  See you Monday.”

And Brad and I waltzed out the door.  I’m fine.  So very, very, very fine.

Give thanks to the LORD, for he is good; his love endures forever. –Psalm 107:1

9 comments

  1. Marlayne Skeens /

    Jen ~ By The GRACE OF GOD, We Sing Praises for HIM :-) I can see you doing The HAPPY DANCE :-) Continued Blessings :-)

  2. Been following your story ever since I read your first post via Momastery. So happy for you! You are inspiring. xoxo

  3. Amy Wheeler /

    Absolutely stunningly good news, Jen. You have handled all this so gracefully…if I were to ever go through something like this I could only hope to be half as strong as you. Keep up the great work. Big love from Texas. XOXOXO

  4. such great news! And you’re so right about waking the morning after a clean PETscan. As a cancer survivor, I think its the only moment that my conscious & subconscious selves believe completely and totally that I’m cancer free. My body betrayed me once w/no warning and it might do it again, so the peace of mind in those first waking hours is priceless. Thanks for expressing that!

  5. Kim Rourke /

    This entry is like getting the icing on the cake for a reader since your pic the other day already told the whole story. SO EXCITED for you and all your wonderful family!

  6. What wonderful news!

  7. Patty Wheeler /

    I am so happy at all the good news… We want ditto for your mom.

  8. Genora /

    To God Be The Glory!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  9. Beyond thrilled with your good news. I will share that I had my first 3 month post-chemo appt. yesterday… still no sign of cancer! Continued prayer for your perfect recovery:)