Survival

Jul 10

Yesterday Brad and I met with Dr. Awesome to discuss my upcoming surgery.  She was pleased with the shrinking tumor(s), and gave me a B+ in cancer-killing.  A B+ is good, but I’ve always been a straight-A kinda girl.  I am happy that I have eight more weeks to continue chemo and Herceptin (the non-chemo biological drug).  I have that time to get to an A.  I want this cancer to have a total and complete response to the treatment (an A+).  I want there to be no evidence of cancer when she cuts me open on surgery day.  I want my cancer to be the kind that responds to treatment and melts away.

This is important stuff.  There is a correlation between how the cancer responds to the pre-surgical treatment and survival.

How’s that for gravity?

I had a tough time sleeping last night.  Survival is a word that I have a hard time coming to terms with.  There is only one side of that coin that I can handle.  Right now, the coin toss is in mid-air; no one has told me which way it will land.  God-willing, I will survive this cancer.  Please, God, let me survive this cancer.  Long life, happy  life, wrinkled-all-over life, full life, healthy life, see-my-girls-grow-old life.

Most days I bump along in my routine, my new cancer normal, and I feel an appreciation for today.  I feel a hope for tomorrow.  And I work hard to shove the fear out of the way to find joy in every possible thing.  Every so often, however, words like survival come on the scene and bring me to my knees.  Cancer is hard: I remind myself that I have no control; I can only do today well.

Rejoice always. –1 Thessalonians 5:16

Please continue to link arms and walk alongside me in this journey.  Specifically, please pray that the cancer would be reduced to nothing.  It has shrunk a lot, but there is still measurable mass: bigger than the size of a marble and smaller than a ping pong ball.

Today, I am happy.  My girls and I have a fun day planned.  I am doing more than surviving today.  I am living.  We will have a great day.

Rejoice always.

 

31 comments

  1. Shannon Kahrs /

    Thanks Jen! I needed that today! Love you – Shannon

  2. Praying in your name today. <3 Enjoy this day with your girls, sounds like you have lots of fun ahead!

  3. Melissa S /

    “Every so often, however, words like survival come on the scene and bring me to my knees. Cancer is hard: I remind myself that I have no control; I can only do today well.”

    Powerful. Cancer is so hard. Praying for you.

  4. Such a powerful, beautifully written post & so inspiring to live today well! Prayers for your continued healing!

  5. Cyndi /

    Walking beside you, praying for the cancer to disappear into nothingness and sending a hug just for fun… Enjoy your day with your lovies!

  6. Thank you for linking arms with us, and inviting us on this journey with you.

    I will pray, faithfully and faith filled.

  7. Kathy Parker /

    I realize that I’ve linked arms with you and prayed and felt close to you but haven’t let you know that. So, it was time to finally ‘comment’… I loved the ‘wrinkled all over’ expression. Those of us that have those wrinkles from long life need to rejoice over our wrinkles. You’ve made me realize that. I wish you many, many wrinkles in the years ahead! Praying for your complete healing!

  8. Marion /

    Jen, though school is out and we no longer see you, we are still thinking about you and praying. Cancer or not, you are an inspiration to many, most likely more than you realize. Enjoy your day with you girls! Savor their cuteness!

  9. I haven’t forgotten you. Still sending prayers and thoughts your way! XO Jen

  10. Shelley Carter /

    Continuing to pray.

    Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
    Philippians 4:6-7

  11. Adding Abundant Life to Obliteration in my prayers for you, Jen.
    .“being confident of this, that He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.” [Philippians 1:6]

  12. Robyn /

    Continuing to send prayers your way. Telling that cancer to scram.

  13. Amy Wheeler /

    Praying big in Texas. Soldier on, lady!!!

  14. Angela Johnson /

    Praying for obliteration!! A+++++ ! Praying for you to do today well, and grateful for what I’m able to learn from you as you walk (so well) through this journey. Hugs from MI!

  15. jen powers /

    Praying lots of wrinkles coming your way…thank you for your raw honesty. You are challenging me to rejoice in all things and do today well. Loving my girl with more intentionality today.

  16. You have a B+…with still TONS of time to make up points before the semester is over (see, I just took your analogy a lot further). Eight more weeks to earn that A+, I KNOW you can do it! The prayers continue!!

  17. I’ve been following your journey since I saw you on momastery. I think of you and your obvious love of life every day. You are in my prayers, and I have faith you are going to ROCK this cancer. Stay strong!

  18. jen powers /

    just wanted to say that what Anne wrote is RIGHT ON. Love that thinking!!

  19. B+ sounds pretty good to me!

  20. Jen ~ I can’t even wrap my head around you NOT Surviving !!!!! You are such a Loving person & given so much to so many ~ GOD is Good & HE is holding you in HIS Loving Armsn~ I understand the picture painted in your mind of being a coin flipped in the air ~ Continued Prayers & Peace for you & your Families :-)

  21. suenitz /

    Hi Jen. I thought of you when I read the following. Hoping you find comfort in these words. .

    “The Lord will fight for you.” Exodus 14:14

    I read these words and draw in a deep breath. I need them right now. Don’t we all? Oh, we may not go to war.
    But we fight…
    for relationships
    for dreams
    We battle…
    against illness
    against discouragement.
    But victory isn’t up to us.
    This is the truth from the heart of One who calls you His own:
    You are loved.
    You are worth fighting for.
    You are even worth dying for.
    So go into your day, strong friend, knowing that nothing can defeat you.
    You’ve already won.
    Love you. Sue

  22. Amber Hahn /

    Jen – – your blogs are going to make a great book someday. I should really start my own. It’s been an interesting 3 years up here in WI since moving back from AR. Anyway, you’ve helped me today again. I was feeling all “my bone really hurts from running yesterday” and “how am I ever going to survive an Ironman in 8 weeks” and “life sucks because I can’t drive anywhere” and, and, and. So I decided to turn to you for inspiration. And, you delivered. Again. Hugs to you and the tall one!

  23. Bonniebj /

    Don’t know that I can possibly say it better than Sue N. Jen, we are all being held in God’s hands, our breath belongs to Him, our minutes of every day belong to Him, our hopes and dreams belong to Him. Our job is to do the very very best we can with what the Lord had given us and TRY to leave the rest to Him. We’re most definitely walking/running this daily race with you, Brad, Maren and Greta. Praying and believing with you!!!B-)

  24. Marty /

    I’m praying for you that that tumour will be obliterated. Take care!

  25. Praying for you right now! You will beat this. You will get an A++ I just know it.

  26. You have been on my mind. I will be praying for that little sucker to go AWAY. May the treatments do their jobs well…shrink, shrink, GONE! Thank you for your words and sharing with all of us. May the Lord bless you and your family.

  27. Jen, I am glad to hear you are on herceptin. I think it is my miracle drug. My Docs seem kind of amazed. My prayers are for you to share the same success with “shrinkage” that I had. Start doing arm and shoulder exercises now to loosen up for your surgery. Range of motion and mobility will help with pain and speed in recovery. SURVIVAL! :)

  28. Now I have that cute little song in my head, “Rejoice in the Lord always and again I say rejoice!…”

  29. Lisa /

    Let’s kick some cancer butt!

  30. Sending prayers. May you live happily until you are beautifully old and wrinkled. Your courage & strength is inspiring.

  31. Rebecca /

    Praying for you!