Surfacing

Apr 30

Surfacing.  It feels good to come back and to have the use of all my senses again.  While the chemo works, the rest of me has to work really hard to focus.  On anything.  I kind of see the world in tunnel-vision.  I can do it, almost any of my “normal” stuff, but I have to work whole a lot harder to do it.  And then I need a nap.  A really, really big nap.

Today, I surfaced.  It seems like I should pick up where I left off, but I don’t.  There are days that ticked by on the calendar, and we’re out of bread.  Brad has to work but wait-what-about-the-weekend.  I did laundry today and washed clothes that the girls’ wore, and I don’t remember seeing them wear those clothes.  That’s weird.  Today, I took a nap, and woke up after an hour feeling fairly refreshed.  I think, “Golly, that was efficient.”  It’s a weird new normal that I operate in.  Maren loves Phenom’s house so much that she turned down an ice cream date with me to go there today.  So, yes, Phenom is better than ice cream, and Maren’s Mommy tank is full.  So grateful.  Brad and I talked about how my cancer is good for he and Greta; Greta even chooses him over me on occasion, which thrills both of us.  I am breathing in deep and doing my Mom jobs and my cancer jobs: it’s all part of taking care of me.  Today I am being restored.  Refined.

I choose to see the good in the process.  Today, I feel loved.  In.  So.  Many.  Ways.

22 comments

  1. Still praying for you, every day!

  2. Donna /

    I so look forward to you posts, and continue to pray for you. I hope you are aware of how you are encouraging others as you fight you own battle….blessings dear one.

  3. Shelley Carter /

    Thinking of you today. Glad you are surfacing. Prayed for you this morning as I drove to work … I’ve never felt so compelled to pray for a stranger before. Feel like God has put you in my life (virtually speaking) for a reason, so know that prayers from a fellow mom in Tulsa are consistently being thrown up to God for him to catch …. He’s got this.

  4. And now. Just. Breathe.

    You’re my Iron Diva. Love to you.

  5. Thinking of you every day from now on, as I”ve written your name down, Jen, on a 3×5 card on top of my morning verses.

    xo

  6. Mitch Powell /

    love you heaps Jen… love mitchell from thailand. xoxoxoox

  7. Feeling refreshed, grateful, restored, refined…
    Such beautiful lessons from such a beautiful heart. ♥

  8. Here’s a little bit more love coming your way. <3 And prayers in abundance!

  9. Sue Nitz /

    Hi Jen! I missed you! I prayed that God would send His Angels to comfort you and help you through. You are on the upswing! I looked so forward to that. Your body is doing amazing things right now. Rejuvenating, becoming strong. Those healthy cells won, once again! Everyone is surviving! And you are loved. By me, by your friends and family and all the wonderful new cyber friends you have made by your blog. If you take all that love put together and times it by efinity that is how much God loves you. I pray you will continue to bask in the comfort of that and that each day, each moment you will continue to see the blessings.

  10. Dave Schreier /

    Praying without ceasing!

  11. Karen Ward /

    You are awesome! So much hope and encouragement are coming from your blog posts – know that YOU are a blessing!

  12. chubbyroad2skinny /

    that’s funny, my daughter always chooses me over my husband too. I always feel bad.

  13. Will keep praying. Glad you feel restored. Keep strong.

  14. A Monkee in Buffalo /

    How do you do it? How do YOU do it… in the midst of all of THIS??? As I was reading, I was sad for you that Maren chose Phenom over you & ice cream…. but then you put it in perspective. You are grateful.

    Wow – you are a renewing inspiration. I’m still singing Go Chemo Go for you!! I hope that today you have even more strength and energy – to do “normal” things – things that you want to do.

    :)

  15. I love your blog and find your outlook on life so inspirational. Your patience with, and acceptance of your new normal along with the compassion you’re extending to yourself are remarkable. Keep up the good fight Jen! I think of you and your family often.

  16. Mary Ellen Ekberg /

    When I walk by your house and when I don’t walk by your house I say a prayer for you. God hears the prayers of those who are praying without ceasing for their loved ones because of the faith they show in His healing powers. Isn’t that terrific?

  17. So so happy to hear about Greta LOVING Phenom’s house! And Maren loving her daddy time! PTL! xoxo

  18. So inspiring to me ~ Again, I do hope you turn Your Journey into a book ~ You would be helping so many people with or without cancer ~ You are a delight, eye opening & to the point of just what is happening :-) Please let me know if you need me to give platelets in your name ~ I am going Thursday ~ I try to give every 2-3 weeks :-)
    Today is a day GOD gave us to enjoy :-) Prayers & hugs :-)

  19. Bonniebj /

    Loved seeing you today..smiling and dropping off Maren…on the go and very stylish I might add 😉 would have loved to give a hug but we were all on the move. You my dear have most definitely surfaced with grace and fortitude. Praying always..

  20. Andrea /

    I was sent here by Glennon and have followed your blog everyday. I am praying and throwing rocks from Arizona:). Hope you are having a great day and getting plenty of rest.

  21. So glad to hear!

  22. Glad you are getting those big naps in and feeling loved. The chemo fog will lift after some time. Blessings.