*If you know me in real life and have contacted me recently, know that I love you. I am behind and I am busy, but I love you. I know I don’t need to apologize because I have cancer, but cancer hasn’t done much for me in the ‘being a good friend’ department. And you matter enough to me for me to say it here.
I am busy. Part of it is real life busy: washing Greta’s tray three times per day, making the bed, answering the phone, digging out the bottomless pit of emails, doing laundry, packing and unpacking Maren’s backpack, planning meals, shopping. It all just goes on: for all of us. I am not alone in this, I know. So, that is what I’ve been up to. I’m doing normal things like going on Maren’s field trip (to the pizza place–isn’t preschool awesome?) and changing over Greta’s wardrobe to the next clothing size. I am engaging in this new life; I’ve never been passive about anything. I am busy.
The other part of my busy is cancer busy. I am wading through the mountain of new things that require attention: medical bills, gifts, correspondence re: cancer, medical literature, blogging, thank you notes, books, and more. I am trying to prioritize what to do with what little time I can devote to these tasks. There is so much to deal with I get overwhelmed at times. As I sift through the cancer piles, I am asking myself: am I (are we) doing everything I can to fight against this disease?
Spiritually, I trust God in this, and have since Day 1. This alone is a blessing from Him. I am praying and I am meditating on scripture. Friends have sent me verses that I have posted on my mirror. I am on more prayer lists than I know about. Family, friends, acquaintances, strangers, people who don’t pray; all of them are praying for me. Wow. Everyday, I tune in, I pray, I ask, I thank, I believe. Check.
Emotionally, I made my plan to Do Today Well. It took me a couple of weeks to quell the volcano that is my emotional tank, but I feel I landed in a good place. It is a plan that is working well, but I have to stick to it. It’s a decision I make multiple times a day. Check.
Mentally, I feel good about my doctors and the medical plan. I am confident that they are treating my cancer in the aggressive method appropriate for a strong, happily married, thirty-two year old mother of two. They went to medical school and have spent decades preparing to do this: use their tools to cure my cancer. Check.
Physically, I am reasonably fit and healthy. But. I have this cancer. What physical changes would help me and hurt the cancer? I have no idea.
I eat a fairly healthy diet, but, honestly, my motivation has always been more about body appearance rather than body health related. Every woman out there can probably relate to that on some level. Reading about how the body uses food (and how cancer uses food) is all new information for me. I can’t control much in this whole scenario, but I can restrict cancer fuel, and increase cancer inhibitors. (Who knew?) I feel like I am writing a research paper and I am sucking in facts and knowledge so that I can try to (hopefully) synthesize it into actionable, beneficial steps that will make my body as strong as possible to work against the cancer. I am not going to turn into a nutcase about nutrition. It is one piece of a very complex puzzle, and I don’t know what the picture looks like at the end. It just seems like it makes sense to go all in. I mean, what would you do?