Do not worry
It’s been happening. A couple of my nearest and dearest of friends, they have said it.
“You are glowing.”
“You look amazing and strong.”
“You look taller (haha), your skin looks terrific.”
“You look great.”
I am glowing. Brad and I look at each other, and shrug, and agree: we are not stressed. We, as with every young family, have known stress and deadlines and crises and problems. Stress is the day-to-day anxieties. Stress is what every person should leave at the office (whether they have an office or not). Stress exists and motivates and exacerbates. My dad’s motto is “Work hard, play hard.” Work hard so you can feel good when you put your head on the pillow at night, and have enough balance to enjoy life. Life is awesome; act like it. Cancer puts stress in perspective. So, yes, it’s true. Brad and I feel we have less stress.
What I do have, though, is worry. However, it is not a new worry. I am worried that something will happen to me, and I won’t be here for my girls. This worry took root on the day Maren was born, and it doubled on Greta’s birth day. My worry sort of has a spotlight on it now. Mine is harder to ignore, but The Worry is part of every parent’s reality.
Here is what I have decided about the worry: I want to live my life the same way whether I have five more minutes or fifty more years. Phew. The tension in my shoulders literally relaxes as I think on that statement. There is a plan, and it requires no action other than to Do Today Well. I can do that. I truly have an ocean of peace after dealing with and finding a resolution for that weight. I will not worry. Worrying takes up a lot of energy if you let it, and I don’t let it. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. –Matthew 6:34
I need lots of energy. I am a mom. I am separating the things I can control from the things I cannot control. I am building forts out of cardboard boxes in my backyard. I am perpetually working on baby books for my girls because, at 32, I still love hearing about what I was like as a child. I am snuggling my husband. I am regularly using my Mommy Superpowers to heal boo boos. I am teaching Greta to wave and clap, and I am teaching Maren to do her own hair without looking like a banshee when she’s done. I am happy: big picture happy and little moments happy. I am busy finding joy and trusting I am doing today well. Work hard, play hard.