In the morning

Mar 30

Brad and I will wake in the dark, peek in on our babies, and tiptoe out the door.  We will listen to something peaceful on the way to the hospital.  We will hold hands.   We will talk, or not.  It doesn’t matter; we enjoy each other’s presence  equally in the best and in the worst of times.

At 6 am, we will find the right waiting room and wait.  I figured out a WordPress feature to publish this blog entry at 5 am tomorrow morning because I want people to continue to pray and pray in real time as I move about this process.  I will be prepped for surgery, I will (hopefully) joke with my pre-op nurse.  The medical team will use my new port for the first time.  I will delve into my abundant bag of hospital goodies that lovely people have sent me during the week.

At 8 am, the surgery is scheduled.  The surgeon, Dr. Chief, will use his formidable skills to get a sample of the spots on my liver that were seen in the PET scan and follow-up MRI.  This past week, today, tonight, tomorrow morning: I ask God to make those spots benign, that they would slough off, fade away, and be gone like water down the drain.  In the morning, Lord, you hear my voice; In the morning I lay my requests before you and wait expectantly. –Psalm 5:3

After surgery, I will move through recovery and work with my post-op nurse.  Dr. Wonderful and Nurse Practitioner Rockstar will check on me.  They will answer questions and issue directions.  I will be discharged, leave the hospital, get some lunch, and then go to chemotherapy.  (That is so strange to write, as if these are my normal Friday plans.)  I literally tingle in excitement when I think about the fact that in the afternoon, powerful chemo drugs will begin to wreak havok with the cancer cells and tumors that do not belong.

I believe in modern medicine and science.  I believe in a God who heals.  Pray with me this morning.

Be pleased, O Lord, to save me; O Lord, come quickly to help me. –Psalm 40:13

Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all the generations, forever and ever.  –Ephesians 3:20-21

51 comments

  1. Prayers being sent! Praying that you feel God’s healing presence & peace that passes all understanding as you move throughout this day. May you know that love, light, & prayer are being sent to you and may you feel strengthened

  2. I AM PRAYING. Please, God, protect this beautiful wife and wonderful mother, give her peace, give her family peace, may they all live together happily ever after.

  3. Praying for you in the morning, noon and night.

  4. So right after I left my first reply above, I opened my email box and right before me was my daily bible verse. Instantly I rememered your blog’s tagline and wanted to share…
    “Hear, O Israel, you are approaching the battle against your enemies today. Do not be fainthearted. Do not be afraid, or panic, or tremble before them, for the LORD your God is the one who goes with you, to fight for you against your enemies, to save you.’

    Deuteronomy 20:3,4 NASB

  5. Kim Rourke /

    May the Lord bless you and keep you!

  6. Bonnie /

    I prayed tear-filled, heart-full, prayers for you this morning, my dear stranger-friend. Press on!

  7. Cyndi /

    As I awakened this morning around 5:30 am I began praying and then meditating as usual, but today I saw us together surrounded by peace, love and joy. Angels were gently lifting the damaged cells up, up and away…to disappear entirely above. I hope you will be feeling all of that peace, love and joy today. I’m thinking plj instead of pbj (peanut butter and jelly)! :-)

  8. Cameron /

    Praying! Don’t know you all but your story has touched my heart. Will continue to pray and send positive, hopeful thoughts your way as long as it takes.

  9. I found your blog through Momastery. I also have a small son and have been fighting cancer for the past year (I was diagnosed when I was 32 weeks pregnant.) I’ve suffered, but I’ve also seen amazing beauty and grace, and I pray that you will continue to do so too. I’m praying for you especially this morning, but every day as well. Be Not Afraid!

  10. Bonniebj /

    In an attitude of prayer this morning and throughout this day, Jen. The Lord forever broods over us and will carry you through the day.

  11. I wish I had the power to heal with the snap of my finger or the tweak of my nose. Since I do not, I offer you my prayers and know that the power of these and all the prayers being sent your way works on many levels. It heals not only the body but the mind and the spirit. Having just returned from visiting my 87 year old mother recovering from her mastectomy (see prayer works) I want to tell you to never give up on yourself or give in to this disease as your girls, husband, family, friends and the world need you.

  12. Jenny /

    I have been following your journey through your blog and wanted to let you know that you have been in my prayers and I continue to pray for healing and peace and strength. I pray for your medical team and for your family. I pray for peace and comfort for your husband and sweet girls. God is BIGGER than cancer and He WILL heal. Your faith is inspiring and you are a light for our loving Jesus. I pray that you feel His embrace as you start this scary day.

  13. I am praying for you now as you have your surgery this morning. God is with you and has provided an amazing medical team to bring you through this time of bringing your body back to health.

  14. ohiofishergirl /

    We’re praying with you every day. Sending our love and hugs to you, Brad, and the girls. Lauri & Dale

  15. It is 8:00 here right now. I hope your surgery went well and that those spot are nothing. Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers as well. (I came here from Momastery.)

  16. Shannon /

    I feel like crying for you but then I can’t keep on being sad and scared because I keep picturing you with God right behind you like a huge, bald, bodybuilder with a kind smile. He’s got his hand on your shoulder and a confident look on his face. You got this. You’re gonna win this one.

  17. Shannon /

    PS I don’t know why God is bald in my vision. Maybe something to do with not needing to be bogged down with hair styles or products.

    • Best thing I’ve read all week! God with hair products!

  18. Heather /

    Have prayed for you already this morning and will continue to do so! I am in awe of your courage and strength — it’s amazing to see God working in you.

  19. Karen Ward /

    I, your God, have a firm grip on you and I’m not letting you go. I’m telling you, “Don’t panic. I’m right here to help you.” Isaiah 41:13

    This verse helped me through my husband’s cancer battle. I hope it encourages you!

  20. From The Message, Deuteronomy 20:1-4:

    When you go to war against your enemy and see horses and chariots and soldiers far outnumbering you, do not recoil in fear of them; God, your God, who brought you up out of Egypt is with you. When the battle is about to begin, let the priest come forward and speak to the troops. He’ll say, “Attention, Israel. In a few minutes you’re going to do battle with your enemies. Don’t waver in resolve. Don’t fear. Don’t hesitate. Don’t panic. God, your God, is right there with you, fighting with you against your enemies, fighting to win.”

    [italics are mine]

  21. I’ve never met you, but I am here for you and with you. Praying for you this am with silent tears rolling down my cheeks and a sleeping baby in my arms. Sending you strength, love and healing. God’s got this and we’ve got you.

  22. Debbie Sweinhart /

    Praying for you and your beautiful family. Praying for God’s peace in your hearts. I love the way you express yourself so well and the way you are tackling life’s challenges head on. Carry on brave soldier. Your gift of writing is touching many lives and hearts I’m sure. I look forward to the day you write that the cancer is gone. One of my favorite verses is Jeremiah 29:11. “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future.”

  23. Michelle /

    I have been following your blog, and thought of you as I sat down at my desk to work this Friday morning. So, wanted to send a quick message to let you know that I’m one of (I believe) many people you do not even know, who are pulling for you. Good luck today.

  24. Tiercy /

    I echo everyones sentiments of prayers and hope for you.

    My BIL was diagnosed with cancer and he found this amazing book, Anti Cancer: A New Way of Life, an amazing story of the author. It changed my BILs life and his treatment. I have read it too! Here is a youtube to the author’s (David Servan-Schreiber) story. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xfddD6keYq0

    When the author was diagnosed with cancer, he didn’t want to accept that there was “nothing he could do” to help in his battle. So he went to work and founds tons of research. It is a must read for anyone with cancer, or even without. There are so many simple lifestyle changes that we can make that can help if we have cancer and to prevent it.

  25. Darlene /

    I have been praying for you Jen that God will wrap his arms around you and comfort you, and keep you safe and warm by his healing grace. Take his strength and let him guide you through this day.. We love you all.

  26. I am praying for you. I know it is surreal that this is happening. I know none of us are exempt from this. It can happen to any of us and that’s why I’m learning from you now. Learning how to handle things like you. Praying your way through it. And I’m praying for you every single day. God, be with her whole family and all the doctors.

  27. Kristin /

    praying for you and your family…. wish i could find the right words, more eloquent than this….but I’m not a writer, just a “stranger-friend” from online, from momastery….. xoxox

  28. Kathy Jones /

    Hey Jen-I’m reading your blog every day, keeping tabs on things
    without having to make Roz go over it and over it. I so love your writing and really admire your strength. I also think it is so cool the way you and Brad are so bonded in your approach on this. You two are truly soul mates. Today will be tough on everyone. Dennis will be at your folks this evening, so maybe the distraction will be helpful. I know this is so, so hard on them. Your mom is trying to have your strength, but she is shattered by this. Your dad has always been the quiet caretaker, taking care of everything and everyone. Make sure to give him projects so he stays busy and can be helpful. You know he loves a project. As for hats, go 70’s and just wear a bandana tied around your head like a rock star!
    Loads of prayers and positive thoughts coming to you from the Jones household in Mi. Lots of love, Kathy
    ps: make sure that Marin reads Goodnight Gorilla to you when you need some rest. It will help you smile while you snooze!

  29. Prayers. I too believe in modern medicine, and a loving Lord who WILL answer the prayers of you, your loved ones, and the many strangers who are supporting you from afar. Prayers.

  30. We are praying for you!!! Xoxoxox

  31. natalie /

    Praying for you… have been since I met you last week… God be with you.

  32. Mimi Galgano /

    Praying for you!

  33. Carey /

    I am praying for you!

  34. Jen, Just wanted you to know I am here and praying for you with everyone else. Thanks for the invitation. I love you and I love this place you have created.
    Love, Lou from Momastery

  35. You are an inspiration. I pray for you, and rejoice in your STRENGTH.

  36. Praying in Seattle.

  37. Dawn Benning /

    Amen. I am Julie Talford’s sister-in-law Dawn I have not met you, but we pray for you and your family and your Awesome, Wonderful, and Rockstar Medical Team Members. May you fell God’s loving arms wrap around you…may you feel his presence every moment. May you feel his peace as you travel along this road. May you know that you. are. loved.

  38. Alison /

    You don’t know me, but know that you inspire me. I have a 9 mo. old daughter and have been trying – hard – to resurrect my faith. For most of the day I struggle to quiet my doubts. When I read your blog (and when I read Momastery), I believe, I’m inspired, and I pray. I’m not trying to silver lining cancer – nothing about it is good. But YOU are good, and bad ass, and inspiring to me and many others. Picture our prayers and pleas for healing rising up from around the country. They’re there.

  39. Lots of prayers for you, your wonderful husband, and your amazing children.
    “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” Jeremiah 29:11.

  40. Praying for you as if you were my own sister. A sister in Christ. A sister in motherhood. A sister as a wife. You are strong and powerful and only a sliver of the Power of your Father.

    Sending love and light, my unknown and very loved sister!

  41. maria Olivia /

    Im here for you .. sending my Love Amen,

  42. Ginger /

    I am praying for you!!! You will rock this!!! Xoxo

  43. Leah B /

    While you may not want tears as a woman your age, who is a doctor, and has two babies I could not help myself. I cried reading this. I will be praying for you, your family, and your recovery. You are a blessing as you are blessed. Thank you for your humility and optimism.

  44. Kathy /

    Thinking and praying for you in Pittsburgh, Kathy

  45. Debbie Ball /

    You don’t know me but I have been praying for you every day, sometimes several times a day. My mother was recently healed from leukemia. Her scripture thru the chemo is below. I want to share it with you as a scripture from a survivor. Hold on my sister. Trust in Jesus.

    Isaiah 43:2
    When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you; when you walk through fire you shall not be burned, and the flame shall not consume you.

  46. Julie /

    Prayed. Hope the day went well. I’ve been thinking of you throughout the day. Hang in there, you can do this.

  47. Rod and Jeanne /

    It seems I pray for you constantly as I try to go about my daily routine. Today, however, I went to church late on a Friday afternoon. I got in the door before the secretary left for the day and proceeded up to the organ loft. First I practiced some liturgy but then I started playing Easter hymns. The longer I played the louder I played. When no one was left in the building, I opened up that baby and pounded the pedals and keys like a woman possessed. I think the windows and rafters were rattling when I opened up every stop and swell box. It was my way of speaking to the Lord (mistakes and all). I truly felt His Holy Spirit flow through me for the couple of hours that I played. Jen, I pray that His Holy Spirit will continue to flow through you as you start your journey. With His healing powers and your doctors’ expertise, you are one day closer recovery. Jeanne

  48. laura s. /

    total stranger, praying for you daily! love from a sister in Christ!