The Wait

Mar 28

These three days are a mixed blessing.  I have three days of no appointments, reverting me back to my very normal, very everyday routine with my girls and our little schedule that we run on.  Baby Sister is here and we have a comfort and an ease as we move about the house, trading off kids and duties and car keys.  She’s picking up all of the mundane: laundry, sheets, dishes, cooking.  I focus on Maren and Greta and am laying foundations, new foundations, for the road that all of us will start traveling on Friday.  My friend came with me to watch Maren’s soccer practice so that  I could be normal Soccer Mom for Maren, and also connect with my friend and make use of every moment.  Brad and I stayed up late last night talking and connecting.  I can forget, for minutes at a time, about the battle.

A dear friend has set up a system to organize all of the help and advice that is being offered to us.  All of the contacts will go to them, as administrators, so that the help can be real help and not another logistical challenge for me to conquer.  Thank you.  A friend also sent me words yesterday morning that summarize these three days, this wait, perfectly.  It is what I have been thinking about whenever cancer does come into my mind.

So,
I got this picture of the fight. It’s like a boxing match. You and cancer have been announced, and you are standing in the center of the ring while the referee is explaining the match to you. You are staring down cancer, and studying that sneaky little bitch. You are learning the weaknesses of your opponent, you are gaining confidence, getting ready for the fight. Then, just as you are about to go back to your corners for the bell to ring, cancer sneaks in an upper cut to your face.  (Like I said, she’s sneaky).  You’re walking back to your corner dazed and dizzy.  That punch hurt.  This fight is going to be harder than you thought it might be.  You lose a little bit of confidence.  You’re stunned.  Your trainers in your corner grab you buy the shoulders and here is what we say. 
“Snap out of it champ.  The fight hasn’t even begun yet.  That little bitch may have gotten a lucky punch in on you, but just wait until the bell rings.  She has no idea the fury that is about to be released on her.   All that punch did was piss you off.  It is not a good idea to piss you off.”
We haven’t even begun the fight yet. All we have had so far is time to learn our opponent’s weaknesses. Now we know a lot more about the fight. When the bell rings on Friday, you’re bounding out there throwing haymakers at this thing. And we in your corner are going to be hurling rocks at her (’cause that is totally legal in this fight). 
I’m praying for your heart this morning. Don’t lose hope. 

See?  Doesn’t that resonate?  The imagery is strong and powerful.  I am strong and powerful.  God is strong and powerful.   The verses and encouraging words that are being tossed at me via comments and emails texts are my strength.  His strength.  For to set the mind on the flesh is death, but to set the mind on the Spirit is life and peace.

In the early days of the Internet, we joked that my mom lived on the Information Super Driveway.  Eventually she made it to the Information Super Cul-de-sac.  Sorry, Mom, but I’m still not sure if you’ve made it on to the Highway yet.  It’s probably that darn merge–it always gives you problems.  I blame it on the fact that you learned to drive in Australia and you could do it calmly if you were allowed to drive on the other side of the road.  At any rate, my blog knowledge is definitely sub-par, of the cul-de-sac variety.  I understand roughly 4% of the features that WordPress has to offer.  I assume this is quite obvious to most of you.  Last night apparantly my “followers” (not totally sure what defines a follower) got an email about “Blog 91”.  Can I just say ooooops, and leave it at that?

::This is real time people.::  I wrote the above message and was about to send it.  I read it back for typos and revision.  I decided I would read Psalm 91 (Blog 91?).  And boy, I’m glad I did.

I have some important loving to do today.  I hope you do too.

19 comments

  1. Dave Schreier /

    Praying, praying , praying.

  2. Don’t even worry about the blog features. what matters is the content. And YOU and your heart and your fight is the content . And that is what people are here for. Thank you for sharing that about the boxing match . How awesome and true. It’s exactly how it’s going to be. You unleashing fury on cancer and all your real life friends and your blog followers throwing rocks at it. I don’t know you but I wake up every day and pray for you. And I know God hears our prayers. I know that. So enjoy every second of your family while the rest of us start gathering rocks. Cancer may look like Goliath but you have David’s faith and His same God on your side. And we all know how that fight ended!!!!!

  3. I’ve been blogging for months and don’t understand the features. I type, post and people are drawn to the words, not the features. As we are drawn to you. prayers.

  4. You don’t know me from Santa Claus, but I want you to know that I am praying for you. So now you know…Michelle, a mama to 3 girls in Central Texas, is praying for you every morning and night for sure, and whenever she thinks about it during the day.

  5. blog 91 = Psalm 91. I like it, esp. since I just went and read it.

  6. I know the battle imagery really works for people. When my mom was in her journey with lung cancer, my mentor cautioned us against thinking of it as a war. That gives the cancer power, it puts it on the defensive. She suggested my mom think of it as her “un-self,” something that didn’t belong in her body. When she would listen to Belleruth Naparstek’s “Fighting Cancer” guided imagery from HealthJourneys.com, my mom would change the imagery from a battle to a bath tub draining and the water taking the cancer cells out of her body and down the drain. I know everyone is different and different things work for each person, but for some reason I felt compelled to share this with you. I wish you strength, courage and mostly a strong connetion to your beautiful self on Friday and always!

  7. Rod and Jeanne /

    Jen,
    I was looking through some of my homemade greeting cards and ran across a short verse by Emily Dickinson that touched me. I hope it has meaning for you as well. “Hope is the thing with feathers that perches in the soul and sings the tune withut the words and never stops at all.”

  8. Alejandra /

    Jen: I don’t know you but know that I am praying for you and your family and LOVE the image of you kicking cancer’s ass in this fight!! I love the way you write, express yourself and can hear the faith, love and determination in your words. Congrats for an amazing attitude!

  9. Kim Anderson /

    I don’t know you. We’ve never met. I recently came across your blog and I have been praying for you ever since. I pray for healing and peace to cover you, your husband and your girls. He is the ultimate healer and not one hair on your head goes unnoticed. Know that you are being covered by prayer.

  10. I’m praying…and holding on to God’s promises!!! His miracles!

  11. Denise O'Mara /

    Jen – you are in the ring – we are in the stands around – think of it as tiers of love, tiers of hope, tiers of strength, and tiers of rock throwers.
    Love
    Neecie

  12. Jen ~ You are an amazing woman, daughter, sister, wife, mother & a friend to many. Again, I don’t know you well; however, you have loving parents that have raised you & your sisters well ( inside & out ) You sound so strong & yet soft @ times ~ You carry yourself extremely well on paper ~ You really do need to write a book, as you would be helping so many other people with their crosses to bare ~ Many times it’s hard to understand why Bad things happen to Good people. You are standing tall letting us know, you don’t want people to feel sorry for you ~ You are showing us how Powerful Your Journey Is & that The Journey Will have an Awsome Ending with Tears of JOY & SMILES ~ Continued Prayers & Peace, Marlayne :-) Ps. I did have a day Filled with Love ~ Thank You :-)

  13. Enjoy the next few days! I pray that you’ll get lots of moments of “normal” because you obviously cherish them. Reading your words makes me appreciate my normal as well. I don’t know you in person, but I am in your corner, throwing rocks at that “sneaky bitch” too! God bless you and your family!

  14. Julie /

    Jen,

    My 6 month old and I prayed for you and your family today. I figure my little guy is the closest thing I have to heaven, so he must have some pull up there. My random thought is come up with a mantra, my mom alway had me tell myself “it doesn’t hurt, it doesn’t hurt”, maybe yours could involve healing, fighting, or maybe just kicking cancer out of your body. It always worked wonders along with deep breathing. These things may sound trivial, but I thought unleashing everything we’ve got might help.

    As for us, we will keep on praying
    Julie + baby

  15. Hi Jen,

    I just wanted to send some love from a fellow breast cancer patient. I was diagnosed in November, at 28 years old. In December I had a double mastectomy. In February I started chemo. No family history. My life has been a complete & total whirlwind for the past 4 months but I’ve preserved and I know you will too! My blog is not nearly as amazingly written as yours, but feel free to check it out http://annefightsback.blogspot.com/
    I’ve found so much comfort in speaking to others in my same situation. Please let me know if I can offer you any advice or answer any questions. Many prayers for you & your sweet family. Hang in there girl, everything is going to be ok! :)

  16. Kim Marks /

    YOU GO, GIRL! Fight, gather strength, enjoy and be present, laugh (it’s the best medicine) and then fight some more. Thank you for your brave sharing. Soak in the healing, happy, positive vibes being sent your way! And fight on.

  17. Shannon /

    “to set the mind on the Spirit is life and peace”
    I love those words. I will pray that you can keep on following those words. You got this fight.

  18. Aimee /

    I don’t know you, but followed G’s link from Momastery, and am so glad I did. You are a great writer, very unboring. You can add me to the stands at the boxing ring because I’ll be praying for you and your sweet little family in the coming days, weeks, months and I know where to find some pretty heavy pointy rocks!

  19. I will wake up in the morning, grateful for my normal day, I will look to the heavens and pray His Word over you, that you may be anxious for nothing. Hugs!

    PS YOU ROCK!